Wait a minute Mr. Postman …

” .. is there a parcel in your bag for me? …”

I'm not too proud to steal a line from the Marvelettes' hit “Please Mister Postman,” I heard it today on an oldies FM station I was listening to while doing dishes.

But yes, the postman was good to me today. The 12v power cable I bought on eBay arrived today for my Yaesu dualband mobile, and yes, yet another bug.

This 1952 Vibroplex Original DeLuxe was listed with a single photo that was simply unflattering. The key just looked unremarkable, not to mention out of focus. The key that arrived today should have been photographed with lots of light to illustrate its wonderful shape.

Judging from the condition of the key, I'm betting that this one was originally in a case for much of the last 55 years. I wish I had a case for it just to better preserve it.

This key was so clean I only had to adjust it to get it playing. The contacts were perfectly clean and without tarnish. This key came with a homebrewed weight, for whatever reason. I think its actually made of lead, but its nicely made and doesn't detract from the key.

Most of these post-war DeLuxe keys have a main spring that's usually thick enough to make the key's slowest speed a little fast for my liking. This one — even with its single, homebrewed weight — was adjustable to a level I could deal with. I noticed why — the main spring had been filed to reduce the spring's width and thus reduce its springy-ness. I had to look twice to realize the main spring had been ground down, the guy who did it made it look smooth and nearly factory.

No, of course I don't need another Original DeLuxe. Eventually I'll sift through the keys I have and keep the cream of the crop. But I sure enjoy the competitive bidding process — i.e., sniping — and getting the keys here to tune up, refurbish and enjoy.

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For many years I've been a listener across the 75 meter band in the evenings. Since I moved my shack and computer here in the same room some years ago, I typically listen to 75 while I piddle at the computer.

For months now I've periodically been listening to a Midwestern ham who first was holding down 3950 from about midnight to 3 am. He's since switched to 3944 for his nightly broadcasts.

Broadcasts? Well, it's not broadcasting in its strictest sense, but yes, it many ways it would qualify as broadcasting.

This ham talks for hours on the topic of religion. Initially, he told of his discovery of religious truth, and that all the other religions were in error. His transmissions aren't really QSOs because they're 3 to 5 minute broadcasts that discuss why he's right and the rest of the world is incorrect. He usually has one or two hangers-on who may comment after his transmissions, but when he's on a roll he doesn't respond to what the others say, he simply picks back up with his rant and continues. At times he has to call the other guys to make sure they're still on frequency.

His views are very black and white — there's no room for disagreement. If you don't agree with whatever he says, then you're in error and my friend, you're a lost cause whose going to spend eternity in hell.

At first he frequenty took potshots at the Catholic Church, the pope, etc. Over the summer, his transmissions have become nearly 100 percent anti-Catholic rants. He reads lengthy passages from old anti-Catholic books detailing how the Pope is the antichrist, and how the Catholic Church is really run by Lucifer.

His lengthy transmissions often seem to be trolls for takers who wish to debate him on religion. He's frequently said that no one seemed willing to take him on the issues. He's got the truth backing him, and he's not afraid to upset someone's evening with his religious rants.

So the Catholic church is taking over? Wait a minute, it gets better!

Not only is the Catholic Church the devil's domain, but the church also controls the U.S. government and all the presidents. The church is responsible for the war in Iraq and 9/11. It's amazing what the church can do.

The Jesuits are the pope's army, and through its members, they have infiltrated all the governments of the world. The church is preparing for the day when they can bring Lucifer back to reign over his Earthly kingdom.

The tale gets even more bizarre — the last few nights he's been attacking Freemasonry as — you guessed it — a Satan-worshipping practice destined to sent us all to hell. That's not out of line from his usual attacks, but what made it bizarre was his claim that Freemasonry was aligned with the Roman Catholic Church. According to him, Freemasonry is used around the world to attack governments that rejected Catholicism's control of their governments. Freemasonry and Catholicism working hand-in-hand? Not likely. In fact, before Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope, he was head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and he personally issued a statement that forbid Catholics from entering Freemasonry.

Haven't I seen some of these conspiracy plots in any number of bad B movies? Isn't there always some misguided Earth-dwelling group that's working to bring back some evil force to enslave the known world?

Speaking of enslaving the world, this same ham reports there are 30,000 guillotines on standby for when the New World Order moves in. When's that going to happen? Well, according to this ham, President Bush (with presumably the help of the Jesuits and Freemasonry) will stage another 9/11-style attack before he leaves office. Bush will then implement marshall law, suspend the Constitution, cancel the November elections and declare himself president for life.

At this point, U.N. troops will be brought in to control the masses, enslaving as many people as possible and housing them in thousands of secret concentration camps that are located all over the U.S. According to a list I saw, there's a secret slave camp setup at the old Naval Ordnance Station in Louisville. There are several other secret camps around Kentucky on the list (begging the question — If they're so secret, how did someone compile this list?). The good news is at least when we're enslaved and awaiting our moment with one of those 30,000 guillotines, we'll still be close to family.

Oh, and don't forget, the Catholic Church is at the heart of it all.

The conspiracy theories spouted on 3944 would make a better movie than “National Treasure.” Where's Nicolas Cage when you need him?